What Leads to War
by Future badass m.e
Summary: When an 18 years old Jane makes a life changing decision and her and Maura have to deal with it together as a couple.
1. Chapter 1

This is my first time writing anything else than a school report, so please be considerate. Also, english is not my first language and even though I try very hard for it not to happen, I do make mistakes sometimes. Your feedback is absolutely welcome.  
DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THIS OTHER THAN THE PLOTLINE.

* * *

"Hey Maur, what's up?" Jane asked as a greeting when she saw that Maura's name come up on her phone.

"Hi Jane," smiling at the nickname "I was actually wondering if you wanted to go out? It's Friday, and our curfews are at 12 tonight so we have time to do anything you feel like doing." She wanted to let Jane choose their evening's activities since she just came back from her baseball practise. Even if she's quite tough, she doesn't want Jane to over-do it.

"I'd love to go out." She knew why Maura didn't suggest anything but instead of calling her out on it, she took advantage of the offering "Be ready in 30 minutes, I'll come pick you up."

Even if Maura had no idea what Jane had planned, she decided to roll with it and wait to see what she was up to. Contradictory to her curious nature, she liked surprises; she liked them even more when they were from Jane.

**R&amp;I**

When Jane picked up Maura's call, she was had just gotten out of the shower, so she had time to go prepare a little something to eat for their night out. She wanted to prepare something nice for Maura, but she was also tired from the trying week she'd just gone through. Maybe a relaxing night out with her girlfriend was what she needed after all. After packing a dinner and letting her mom know about her plans for the evening, or at least the simplified version of them (opening herself up for some "are you going on a date with a nice boy?" questions, but brushing them off), she took off in her old and rusty pick up truck that she bought with the money she'd made working at a local sport's goods store during the summer, and went to pick up Maura.

**R&amp;I**

At 5:09, 28 minutes after Jane had told her to get ready to leave, Maura saw the brunette's truck pull into her drive way. She saw that Jane's features were tense, but decided to wait until a bit later to address to reason behind that. She saw the athlete get out of the truck and heading towards the passenger side, probably to open the door for her, but before she got halfway through her small walk, the blonde had found herself in her girlfriend's arms, kissing her thoroughly.

"Hey beautiful." Jane said after pulling away to catch her breath.

Blushing, still not used to getting gratuitous compliments, Maura just kissed her again instead of having to respond. This time though, the lanky Italian sat her girlfriend on the hood of her small truck when the kiss started getting heated. Realizing that they were still in her driveway and that her parents could see them, the blonde broke the kiss and softly pushed Jane back.

"Although I really enjoy making up with you, I think we should wait until we get out of here."

When Jane just giggled a bit, Maura looked at her with that little head tilt thing she does whenever she is unsure of something.

"It's making out Maura, it's so cute when you try to use colloquialisms." When some people got impatient with Maura, Jane would just correct her without a note of condescendence in her tone, because even though a lot of people found the blonde's limited informal vocabulary annoying, her girlfriend found it endearing.

"Anyways, are you ready to leave? Our supper's getting squished in the box of the truck."

"Hopefully, it's not the only thing that's going to get squished in that box tonight…"

The way Maura said this, with a come-hither smile on her face, left Jane imagining a bunch of pleasurable scenarios in her mind, but she had to focus if she didn't want them to crash into something.

**R&amp;I**

When they arrived at their destination, a quiet little secluded clearing in the woods close to their school, where they had talked for the first time, Jane got out of her truck and after opening Maura's door and extending her a hand to help her step out of the vehicle, she went in the box and set up a couple of blankets and pillows, she helped her girlfriend up and they ate. Even if their supper was eaten in silence, they were comfortable.

After 30 minutes of just laying there, her head resting on the left side of Jane's chest, right above her heart and listening to the constant heartbeat of her girlfriend, Maura decided it was about time she'd ask the brunette what was bothering her, because she really had no idea about what it could be.

"What's been bothering you honey?"

Not surprised that her ever-observant girlfriend noticed her inner turmoil, she decided she'd put off this conversation long enough. "I um, I got accepted to BCU…"

Not understanding the problem, the blonde didn't answer right away. This brief hesitation told Jane she'd need to explain herself a bit more. "I know it's a great school, it's a great opportunity and for you there isn't any problem, but my parents can't afford to send me there, and I don't want to start off my life with a mountain of debts just because I wanted to go to a good school, when I could have gone to a cheaper one and had the same degree."

Knowing that Jane really hated to talk about their monetary statuses, Maura decided she wouldn't press the issue even if she had really been looking forward to going to the same school as her girlfriend. Instead of ruining the pleasant evening they were having, she avoided the inevitable confrontation that would have come up if she'd suggested she help her girlfriend out financially. "I understand Jane, I won't try to influence the choices you make for your future. It's all your decision. Although, what I don't understand, is why is it affecting you like this. You yourself said that you were just applying to see if you could get in, you weren't really looking to go there."

Maura could read her like a book. It had been like that for the entirety of their 3-year relationship. She knew that even if she'd try to hide the real problem, the questioning would only be held off until another time, so she might as well come clean right away and save both of them some troubles for the coming days.

"Maura, I made a decision I was contemplating for a while… It really wasn't easy and even now that it's going to be official, it's not even gonna be easier really… I made sure that you'd enjoy this evening because I really have no idea of knowing how long you're going to hate me over this… This really isn't anything about you and I want you to know that I'm so in love with you, it was really hard to sign those papers…"

By that time, Maura's face was streaked with tears and she was sobbing, so much that she did not really register the last part of Jane's speech.

Before finishing what she was saying, the brunette tried to console the blonde, she realized how her speech sounded like and she didn't want to lose her girlfriend over this. "Maura, please listen to me, this is not what it sounds like." Now that the sobbing subsided to faint sniffling, bright hazel eyes met deep brown eyes and saw that Jane's eyes were also filled with tears. Now that she had her girlfriend's full attention, the Italian decided that she could break the news. It was now or never.

"I'm joining the army. I'm leaving for boot camp right after graduation."


	2. Chapter 2

Even if I was planning on this being a two shot, I decided to make it a bit longer, maybe something around 4-5 chapters, I hope you'll stay with me until then.

* * *

Shock.

Maura was in shock. Why hadn't Jane talked to her before making the decision? Obviously, she thought she'd try to talk her out of it and that would have been the right assumption to make, but why did she think this was her calling, why did she choose a career that would keep them away from each other? That could ultimately lead to her death?

After a couple of minutes of silence, Jane decided she should clear her girlfriend's mind a bit. "Sweetie, I know this is a lot to take in and I'll answer whatever questions you have, but if you want me to take you straight home to think about this, I'll do it… Just know that I want to go through this with you, and even though I'm leaving, I'll be coming back not too long after and if you'll have me, I'll be coming back straight to you."

Still shaken up by the news, she simply asked "Why?" It was all she could manage.

Jane sighed, she knew the question was coming, but she still wasn't fully prepared to answer. If she was being honest with herself, she didn't know why she wanted to enlist; it just felt like the right thing to do. Instead of saying that to her girlfriend, she just said the first thing that came to mind. "I've always wanted to be a cop and since the academy is really expensive, I could do something very similar while being paid."

That was it. Maura had to call her out on her bullshit. "Don't lie to me. This isn't about the money and you know it. What is this really about?"

By that time, they weren't curled up together anymore and the blonde was fuming. They were both sitting in the pickup truck's box while staring at each other, Jane with a mix of worry and surrender in her features. "Ok, look sweetie, to be honest, I can't pinpoint a valid reason to have joined. All I know is that I went with what felt right. I'm not gonna give you some 'I wanna serve my country' crap because that's not it. I just wanna be in the army. It wasn't a rushed decision; I've been pondering it for our entire senior year. It gives me a sense of purpose, of belonging, I suppose."

Knowing that she hadn't felt pressured to make a decision and that she thought it through, made Maura a bit less angry with her girlfriend. To be honest, she wasn't angry; she was scared. "What if they send you to war?" She hadn't wanted to ask that because she knew Jane would already be worrying about that herself and it wasn't fair to her to demand answers, but now that she had asked it, she could see the worry etched on her girlfriend's face. "I'm not going to lie to you because you probably know all the statistics in that big brain of yours, there's a great possibility that I'm going to have to go to war, we're not in Canada you know, and it scares the shit out of me, but I'll have some of the best training in the world. I'll be ready."

The look of determination in the brunette's eyes as she said that reassured the genius a bit, because if her girlfriend put her mind to something, there was nothing and no one that could stop her. Even if she was terrified, the blonde just resigned herself to trusting Jane. She absolutely abhorred the fact that she did it without talking it through with her first, but she couldn't interfere with her future because she wouldn't want her girlfriend discouraging her from becoming a medical examiner (even if being an M.E. is way less dangerous than going in the army.)

"Well it's just April, so I guess we have to make the best out of the time we have left together before you leave for boot camp." And with that, Maura leaned forward and kissed Jane. It wasn't rushed. She conveyed all the love she felt in that kiss. They just kissed like that and cuddled for a while; just revelling in the feeling of each other, trying to shut out all thoughts pertaining to the news of the brunette's imminent departure.

**R&amp;I**

It was 12:45 when Jane finally got home. Even if their kissing was innocent at first, it became heated not long into it which led to them making love in the box of Jane's pickup truck. Not that it was the first time that it happened, it's just that neither of them had noticed the time go by so now they were both getting home passed their curfew. Even if the lanky brunette tried to enter the house without making any noise, she should have known that her mom was waiting for her in the living room, fuming. Always one to be direct, she didn't even let her daughter sit down before starting to question her.

"Why are you late and why the hell do you have a hickey on your neck?" Jane cursed herself, they were usually so careful. She wasn't quite ready to tell Angela that she was dating a woman. It's not that she was afraid that her mother would love her less or just wouldn't accept her; she just wasn't ready for her to pry and embarrass her in front of Maura. Truth be told, there was just never a right time to tell her. She decided this was going to be it. With what she planned on doing in the next couple of months, it was better that her mom knew. "Hey ma, I, uh, can we talk?"

Angela, thinking Jane was going to tell her that she's seeing a man nodded excitedly. "What I have to say is quite important, so can you try not to interrupt me, please?"

After her mother nodded again, signalling her that she wouldn't interrupt her, she continued. "I'm late because I was with Maura and we didn't see the time go by, we were comfortable where we were so we didn't really pay attention. I'm sorry for that."

True to herself, the Rizzoli matriarch couldn't help herself. "That doesn't explain the hickey."

Exasperated that her mother couldn't even stay quiet when she specifically asked for it she just kept going. "Actually, ma, it does explain the hickey. I, um, Maura and I are dating. We've been dating for almost 3 years; I just didn't have the guts to tell you. It never felt right."


	3. Chapter 3

I'm not necessarily going to update fast like this all the time, it's just that when I'm done with a chapter, I will post it right after, I don't like waiting for fanfics so I won't make you guys wait either. This is straight up fluff. In the next chapter, Jane leaves for boot camp so things might get a bit tougher.

* * *

"You're gay…"

Was all Angela could manage. She was not angry or disgusted by it, she had a thought for a long time that her oldest child wasn't straight, but hearing it, knowing that it was true, came as a surprise to her. She knew her and Maura were quite close, but she didn't think they were a couple. She should have known though, with all the sleepovers, all the time they spent together and all the touching but she probably just saw what she wanted to see. Now that she knew, it all seemed so obvious.

Jane was kind of put off by her mother's response. She didn't expect her to start laughing and jump from joy, but she didn't expect this complete stillness and silence either. She didn't say anything yet so she was probably just processing the news. "Ma, I know you need time, but can you please say something? You're kind of worrying me right now." She knew she should let her process, but the silence was killing her.

"I, uh, I don't know what to say Janie. I can't say it comes as a complete surprise, I just didn't think you were already dating, hell I'd even call that a serious relationship. I just feel as if I've failed you. You're my daughter and I didn't even realize you were in a relationship. What does that say about me? But if you think I'm disappointed, I'm not. I'm happy that you're happy. Of course, don't you think this keeps you from giving me grand babies."

She just couldn't help herself. She had to mention the grand babies. If Jane wasn't angry at her reaction before that, her mother had just blown it. "Ma, really? We're 18. Can't we just concentrate on graduating high school before you start pressuring us to have babies? Please?"

Even if she doesn't usually feel bad for bringing that up, Angela thought she shouldn't have. It was done though, so she could just concentrate on supporting Jane. Instead of talking and risk making a mistake again, the Rizzoli matriarch gave her daughter a big bear hug. Even if she hated being hugged, Jane let her mother embrace her. She was grateful for the great way Angela reacted; she couldn't have asked for anything better.

"I love you ma."

"I love you Janie."

**R&amp;I**

Two months had gone by since breaking the news. During that time, Maura was reintroduced to the Rizzoli clan as Jane's girlfriend. All of them were very supportive, even Frank Sr. who was hell-bent on catholic morals. The girls were happier than ever, even with the brunette's imminent departure. Jane had told her family about her decision to join the army not long after that. Even if they were all terrified, they knew they couldn't change her mind so they could just stand idly by and support her.

Tonight was their night though. They had finally graduated high school. While Maura was approaching the end of her speech, because she had obviously finished with the best grades of her class, Jane approached the side of the stage. When the crowd started applauding, she walked up to the podium in the centre of the stage. The blonde gave her a suspicious look when she motioned to her to stay put. Thoughts were rushing through the Italian's head. "_I hope people aren't going to get angry because I'm making the ceremony even longer._" "_Am I doing the right thing?_" Before she could change her mind, she got down on one knee and pulled out a ring from her pocket. It wasn't all that much; it was a simple white gold band with a medium sized diamond. Even if she wanted to offer Maura the world, she still didn't have a lot of money, so she had to make do with what she had.

The crowd had become quiet by then and when she looked up into Maura's eyes, she could see tears in her eyes. She didn't linger on the tears though, because when she looked just south of them, she could see the blonde's lips spread in a smile that reached up to her eyes. She only spoke loud enough for them and the first couple of rows to hear, but truth be told, they didn't need to hear her. They all knew what was happening. "Maura Dorthea Isles, you have made my life better for the last 3 years. You are the nicest, kindest and smartest person I have ever had the chance to meet. The day you decided to talk to me in our clearing would be the second best day of my life if you would do me the honour of marrying me."

Maura had tears streaking down her cheeks. She responded with a barely audible "Yes" and an excited nod. Now, with the ring on her finger, she was kissing Jane in front of their entire graduating class. There were loud cheers and applause with shouts of "Go get her Jane!" and "You go girls!" and both their families had tears of joy and smiles plastered on their faces.

**R&amp;I**

Later that night, after they'd participated in all the graduation rituals such as prom and making love to each other, they were both lying down in the luxurious bed of their hotel room. Maura had her head on Jane's chest and was wrapped in a protective embrace. After a couple of minutes of silent contemplation of their day's events, the brunette kissed her fiancé on the top of her head before breaking the comfortable silence.

"I'm sorry if I caught you off guard when I proposed, I just thought it was time. I'm so happy you said yes." Because even if she was confident that Maura would say yes, they were still young and maybe the blonde would have preferred to keep her options open.

"You didn't have to worry about that honey, I love you so much, I don't think I could have said anything other than yes." With a big smile on her face, the young genius looked at her fiancé and pressed her lips to hers. Even if she meant the kiss to be slow and sweet, it heated up rather quickly and led them to making love for a second time that night.


	4. Chapter 4

I'm going to stop writing for tonight cause I'm getting sloppy, but I thought I'd post this last chapter today. For those of you who are scared of where I'm going with this (or happy, whatever makes you happy) I'm going to post 2 endings; one tragic and one happy. There's still a couple of chapters left though so you can all rest easy. Enjoy.

* * *

One week.

One week is all they have left before Jane leaves for boot camp. They hadn't really talked about it, because every time they did it became too real for them. Not that the Italian regretted her decision, she would just really miss Maura. Now that the brunette had a job lined up when she came back from boot camp, she wanted to broach the subject of buying a house with her fiancé. Even if they were very young to be thinking about this, they were lucky because Maura came from money. Jane would still pay her part, but instead of wasting a whole lot of money on an apartment in their young days, they can afford a house right away. They were lying, cuddle up with each other, in the box of the Italian's pickup at their favourite spot, the clearing.

"I think that while I'm away, you should start looking for a house for us. Think about it, you were going to move out when you went to BCU anyways, we're engaged and I want us to have our privacy. When I come back, we could move in together." Jane tried to keep an easygoing expression but she was terrified of Maura's answer. The more she thought of it, the more she realized that talking about moving in together is terribly fast.

"I like the sentiment behind that, but I don't want to choose our home without you. That should be something we decide together, don't you think?" She had to admit that she liked the idea, so she tried to compromise. "Why don't we look a bit during the week we have left and if we don't find anything we like, at least I'll have a good idea of what you want and then I can keep looking while you're gone." Every time she thought of her leaving, she felt the loneliness slowly creep up. Before Jane, she had nobody. Even her parents were distant so she was really dreaded the imminent departure of her fiancé.

Breaking her train of thought, she heard Jane answer. "Yeah that sounds like a plan."

They went back to a comfortable silence with thoughts of domestic life.

Interrupting once again the silence, Jane decided to voice her fears to the blonde. "I'm leaving soon Maur; I'm so scared…" She really was terrified actually. She usually didn't like to talk about feelings, but she always made an exception with Maura. She was her safe place.

Not being able to lie, the blonde wasn't going to tell her that everything would be okay and that it was going to be easy. She just had to figure out a way to sound supportive. "I know you're scared honey, but I also know that you're going to do the best you can and they're going to see how much of a good soldier you will be."

"I'm not so scared about my performance because I know I'm capable, I think what frightens me is what's going to happen after boot camp. I'm not regretting signing up, but I don't want to lose you." There you go. She finally said it. It's not that she didn't trust Maura, but who knows. She's going to college and her fiancé is going to be away; she might get tired of waiting after her.

"Jane, do you really think I would do that? You will never lose me and I don't want you to worry about that. I love you so much, I really don't think I could ever love anybody as much as I love you." She couldn't believe that Jane thinks that she would (could) leave her. It's not an option for her. Jane chose to stay with her, she chose to marry her and she chose to have a life together. She couldn't leave her, not if it was her choice.

The brunette didn't believe that she could be so sure about that. "You can't say that Maur, I'll be gone for 12 weeks, maybe more afterwards. You're going to college with a bunch of much more attractive and smarter people than me. It's not that I don't trust you though, I don't want you to think that, it's just that you'll have so many better options than a life with me."

This conversation was taking a very bad turn quickly and she had to stop it before Jane kept questioning their relationship. "Honey, nothing I will tell you will change your mind about this. The only thing we can do is trust each other to not make the mistake of settling for another person. We're getting married Jane, you're not just a high school fling. You make me feel safe and loved. It's all I could ever ask for. I can be myself when I'm with you. Oh, and lets not forget that you are absolutely gorgeous and a great lover." She said that last part with a wink and a sideways grin. She had to ease this heavy conversation because she didn't want to fight with her fiancé with only a week before she left for 12 weeks. Noticing the brunette's blush, she tipped her head upwards kissed her passionately, trying to convey all the love she felt for the lanky Italian. It didn't take long before kissing turned into groping.

Maura was on top of Jane, kissing down her neck, her hand coming up under the brunette's shirt, when it hit her. Get pushed her torso up using her arms and looked down at her fiancé.

"That's why you proposed so soon. You're scared I'm going to leave you when you're away."


	5. Chapter 5

The next chapters are going to cover a lot of time in the couple's life. I will not be elaborating on the time Jane spends at war because I have never and I don't even pretend to begin to understand what goes on in a soldier's life during war and I find it offensive to service men/women when people think they do understand. Until I manage to get into the army, I will not understand any of this. So yeah, I won't be writing about that. I will only write about Jane's return.

* * *

This was not how the night was supposed to go. She didn't want Maura to think that she only proposed because she was feeling insecure, because that wasn't it. "Sweetie, I didn't propose because I'm feeling insecure in our relationship. I know you wouldn't cheat on me, well my head knows it. It's just that I have this lingering feeling that it could happen." She deviating from the subject now, she had to find a way of telling Maura without scaring her. "I don't know how to tell you this without scaring you, but I proposed because I want to get married before I get deployed."

Not wanting to face the reality of it all. She was still in denial that she could eventually lose the love of her life to a war that doesn't even concern them directly. "Jane, you don't know that you are going to be sent to war soon, or at all for that matter."

"We went over this already Maur, we're in the middle of a war and they need everyone they can get. I was aware of that when I enlisted. I'm almost certainly going to be deployed and I know that you've probably been listing the possibilities since I told you that I'm enlisting, so I don't need to tell you that even with all the training and the equipment, I may…"

The blonde cut her off because she didn't want to hear it. She didn't want Jane to utter those thoughts. "We'll deal with it when the time comes, I really don't want to talk about this right now. I want us to enjoy the time left before you leave."

She knew she was broaching a soar subject, but they had to talk about it sometime, as it was a real possibility. If something were ever to happen to her, she'd want Maura to have her flag and all the other things that came with losing a spouse to war. It was a dark thing to think about but in reality, she had to prepare for any possible outcomes. Instead of insisting on the subject, she just kissed Maura tenderly. She was right; they could talk about it another time.

**R&amp;I**

The last week had been productive for the couple. Maura's parents were out of town for five days so Jane had been staying with her fiancé. Needless to say that there had been plenty of love making in the course of those five days but when they were able to keep their hands off of each other, they had been very productive in their search for a house. Even if they had told themselves that they would take their time and not settle on the first house they saw, they had fell in love with a condo that was close to BCU, which would make the blonde's life much easier, after only two days of searching. Maura would be buying it while Jane was away.

Five minutes.

Five minutes was all they left before Jane left and Maura would not let go of her. They were leaning against the brunette's truck, Maura wrapped in Jane's strong, protective arms, kissing in between fits of sobs.

"Stop crying sweetheart, I'm coming back in twelve weeks." She said with a sad smile. She knew this was not going to be easy for either of them but it was necessary. Trying to lighten the mood, she added "And just think of the nice abs I'm going to be coming back with after all that training"

With a wink and a passionate kiss, Jane was gone.

**R&amp;I**

Two years had gone by after that dreaded departure. Jane had come back to her and Maura's home after twelve weeks of intense training. They had gotten married a year after that. It was a small affair in the Isles back yard. Jane's "maid of honour" as she liked to put it was PVT Frost, a good friend she'd made during basic training. Maura wore a nice, expensive, white gown and Jane wore her ceremony uniform. Even if it was simple, it was a nice wedding. They didn't need hundreds of people and for it to be broadcasted to acknowledge their love. They just needed each other and that made them happy. Maura had just finished the first four semesters of her studies to become a medical examiner and she was still at the top of her class even if she was at BCU, one of the top universities in the country.

The last two years had been great for the couple, but all good things must come to an end. The soldier had just been told that she would be leaving for Afghanistan in a month for a nine-month deployment and she couldn't figure out a way to tell her wife so one night after she came back from work, she decided she'd just have to buck up and tell Maura. Obviously, her wife couldn't make that easy for her. When she got home, the blonde was cooking a supper that smelt wonderful and had left a cold beer right next to Jane's favourite chair.

"Hi honey, how was work?" The med student took the time of greeting the soldier with a smile and a kiss.

"Daunting, like usual. What are you making that smells so good?" She couldn't help but smile at the easy going routine they'd settled in when the Maura started her summer break. Since she wasn't working, she'd always make sure that Jane was comfortable when she got home and that the supper would be served soon after the brunette arrived.

"It's chicken cordon bleu with mashed potatoes, it's not much, but I thought you'd still be okay with that." She knew that her wife wouldn't mind, but she was still used to eating fancy dishes that the chef prepared all her childhood; she just didn't feel like making all sorts of food.

"Sounds great Maur, don't say it's not much; it's still more than the grilled cheese I would've made." They giggled a bit at the veracity of that statement.

**R&amp;I**

Later that night, after they'd eaten a good supper and went straight to bed for passionate lovemaking, they laid cuddled up together, Maura almost asleep on Jane's left side. After about ten minutes of the brunette rubbing all sorts of shapes on her wife's back, she decided it was time to tell her.

"Maur, they're sending me to Afghanistan in a month."


	6. Chapter 6

This is a long chapter to compensate for the very short chapters ahead. This story is about to be done, so bear with me for only two chapters (three if you're curious and want to read both endings just for the hell of it.) Like I said before, I don't know much about the American military and I won't talk about Jane's deployments because I do not want to disrespect the the brave men and women who endured war by misrepresenting life in an Afghan prison. Happy new years by the way.

* * *

Ten months.

It had been ten months since she'd seen her wife in person and even though she really missed her, she was scared of how much she'd have changed in those nine months at war. She'd had some conversations with Jane over Skype as often as they could, but it was very easy to hide a person's mental state with the low quality of image. Even if Maura was awkward in social cues, she was very good at noticing micro-expressions and what they meant, especially when it was her wife. She knew the brunette's tells as well as she knew human anatomy.

When she saw Jane come in, she felt a wave of relief take over her. The soldier looked exhausted but the only emotion the blonde could decipher in her eyes was love. She had imagined worst scenarios in her mind like that she would look devastated, that she would look depressed or just plain expressionless. The relief she felt came from the fact that she had found herself in front of the Jane Rizzoli she had known before she went through this life-changing period. They were finally reunited and could continue their life as a married couple.

The brunette barely had the time to throw her duffle bag on the floor next to the door that her wife had jumped in her arms and was kissing her with all the love and passion she could convey through a kiss. It's a good thing that Jane had really good reflexes because she didn't even see her running towards her. She held the blonde up by grabbing her ass and pinning her to the wall on their right. When she felt Maura trail kisses down her neck, she knew they should take this to a horizontal surface, and fast. By the time she had walked them to the couch, the blonde had already taken her shirt and bra off.

That night, they'd slept cuddle together on the couch, both too tired to move to the bedroom.

**R&amp;I**

Since Maura only had a couple of exams left when Jane came back, they were able to relax together soon after her arrival. The afternoons where the blonde was at school were good for the soldier. She could recuperate on the sleep she'd missed and the alone time she'd lacked in Afghanistan. All in all, she'd had a considerably comfortable return.

After Maura's last exam, they had gone out to a nice restaurant to celebrate the soldier's return and the end of the student's third year of medical school. The conversation was easy going. They mostly talked about how life had been back in Boston and how Jane's family had taken care of her wife during her absence. Everything was going great, until the blonde brought up the soldier's discharge from the army.

"Honey, I just don't see why you can't quit the army and enrol into the police academy and become a detective like you originally wanted! It would be so much safer and you wouldn't be out of the country for the better part of a year." She was starting to get angry with Jane. Why wouldn't she want to settle and get a safer job (even if, let's be honest, being a cop wasn't necessarily much safer) that would allow her to stay in Boston? What if they sent her back in a couple of months? She really thought that she would want to leave the army after her first tour. She'd served her country; she did her job, now she deserves tranquility (or as much tranquility as Jane could take live with.)

"You know it's not that easy Maur. I have a 4-year contract to fulfill and I'm only at 3 years of service. I would leave if I could, but I want to do this to the end. I don't want to quit before I've done my full duty." She meant it. She would leave the army in a heartbeat if she could. She hated to admit it, but she felt lost without her wife at her side for 9 months. Some would call it dependence, but she considered it love. They were better when they were together and she needed her better half. She just couldn't leave without finishing her contract. That's not the kind of person she was.

Maura had to admit that she had a point. She couldn't quit when she had a year left to her contract. She decided to leave that subject for another time, as they were enjoying a nice dinner.

**R&amp;I**

As it turns out, they didn't have time to revisit the subject because the soldier was called to leave for Afghanistan for a three-month mission. It was more of a peacekeeping mission this time so she wasn't to stressed out about it, even if things could turn disastrous in the blink of an eye. She had three days left in Boston before leaving so she'd made the best of them with her wife. She took Maura to a modern art exhibition that she had wanted to see for a while the day after she'd found out she would have to leave. She wanted to break the news in a place where the blonde was happy because she was scared of any potential emotional outburst that could result from it.

To her demise, her wife hadn't been angry with her. Instead of seeing the expected death glare in the blonde's eyes, she saw tears and fear. Now anger she could deal with, but she had no clue how to deal with fear and sadness. She'd never wanted to cause those emotions in her wife and now she'd managed to make her feel both.

**R&amp;I**

After the exhibition, she drove them to the clearing close to their old high school. The soldier got out of her truck and after opening Maura's door and extending her a hand to help her step out of the vehicle, she went in the box and set up a couple of blankets and pillows, she helped her wife up and they ate the picnic that she had packed before they left.

When they were done eating, Jane motioned to the blonde to come and lay with her. When they had gotten comfortable, the brunette decided that it was time to calm Maura's fear about her next deployment. She had kind of a sense of déjà vu at that moment.

"It's a peacekeeping mission this time Maur, we're not even going to be in the middle of the combat zone. It's much safer than last time." Even as she heard herself say it, she wasn't convinced. It doesn't matter where you are in Afghanistan; it's always dangerous. There were just less bombings and shootings in the area where she was going.

"If you say so Jane… You're the one that was there for nine months. Whatever you tell me, I'm still going to be worried and you know it as much as I do." She was getting impatient even if she tried not to. She had waited nine months for Jane to come back and as soon as she does, she leaves again for three months. Her rational side knew that her wife had nothing she could do about it, but it was still frustrating.

She didn't want to fight with Maura right before she left. They only had two days left together and she wasn't about to waste them fighting over something none of them could control.

"I love you Maur, and even if you probably don't believe me, I'm careful when I'm out there. I'm not the reckless teenager you know so well when I'm on the field. I have too much to lose." She felt tears threatening to fall when she thought of all she could lose if something were to happen to her.

"I love you too Jane."


	7. Chapter 7

Like I said, the next chapters are going to be very short for the purposes of the alternate endings. I would have finished the story in this chapter, but since I'm going to write two endings, I'm going to have to post the last (supposed) chapter in three seperate chapters. Oh, and since this was a short chapter to write, you get two chapters in less than an hour.

* * *

Four years.

Four years worth of memories was what she saw in the couple of seconds she had between when she saw that boy walk up and the explosion that would most probably end her life.

Three years out of those were the most wonderful of her life. She'd gotten to move in with and eventually marry the girl of everybody's dreams. She had had the chance of making love multiple times to the most perfect human being she could ever imagine and she had had the chance of being loved back by that person.

In just a couple of seconds, she had resigned herself to the fact that she was destined to live a short, 23-year, life. She did not regret anything, except that she would not be there for her beloved wife when they grew old because she would most likely not get to live much longer than right now.

As the bomb went off right in front of Jane, the only thought on her mind was

"_Did I tell her how much I love her before I left?"_

**R&amp;I**

Private First Class Frost ran to the scene of the explosion. He knew that his best friend was supposed to be patrolling that area and he feared for the worst. When he got there, he found said friend, laying on the ground and badly burnt. The only way he knew she was still miraculously alive, was because she kept murmuring, barely audibly

"Maura", "I love you" and "Forgive me" alternately.

**R&amp;I**

In Boston, Maura had just turned on the TV when she saw reports of a suicide bomber in the region where Jane was posted.

She turned up the volume and listened to see if they would reveal the wounded soldier's identity. Sure enough, a couple of seconds later they announced that Private First Class Rizzoli would be transported to a near hospital to be treated for burns from the explosion that happened that day during her patrol.

Not even being able to close the TV, the blonde crumbled to the ground and cried for what seemed like days.

Even if she did not like to assume, she knew that injuries as severe as the ones Jane sustained were practically impossible to survive. How could she even be alive long enough for them to have stabilized her? Even if she wanted to believe that her wife was strong, she had already started to grieve for the love of her life.

She was crying so much that she did not even hear the knock at the door.


	8. Chapter 8

THIS IS THE SAD ENDING! Don't read this one if you don't want certain feelings.  
WARNING: MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH &amp; MENTION OF POSSIBLE SUICIDE  
I know I'm cheap with the length of this chapter, but I think that I don't need to write more, it covers what I would think would happen. I am sorry for people who wanted Maura to leave her instead, but that just doesn't seem realistic to me.

I know I said I'd be doing a good ending, but I'm not in a "good" place right now, this ending has been written for about 3 weeks, so instead of making you wait until (if) I ever feel up to writing the happy ending, well I'm posting this. Sorry guys/ladies. I really am, but I don't want to give you a half-assed ending because I'm not in the mood to write it.

* * *

It took three knocks before she realized someone was at the door.

She got up from the ground and went to answer the door. Even if she did not feel as if she could talk to someone right now, maybe it was something important so she took a deep breath and opened the door.

Two uniformed soldiers were at her door with grave faces. The tallest one of the two took a step forward and asked Maura if they could come in. She was sobbing so much that she couldn't answer them verbally; a simple nod would have to suffice.

She led them to the living room where she sat down on the couch as dignified as she could, considering the circumstances. She knew what soldiers at her door usually meant. When one of them spoke up, she didn't even register which one it was or what he was really saying. She broke down when she heard the first line.

"The Secretary of the Army regrets to inform you that your wife was killed in action yesterday…"

She could not bring herself to listen to the rest. Her greatest fear was confirmed. She'd just lost the one and only person that truly loved her, her wife, her everything.

How could she live without Jane?

She couldn't. She wouldn't.


End file.
